Article by Materahub
Case studies highlight that the success of a company or a startup depends on the team’s ability to communicate clearly and constructively. According to some coaches there’s a huge difference between talking and speaking, for this reason it is necessary to learn some techniques establishing great communication.
Marshall Rosenberg, the American psychologist who has founded, taught and spread Nonviolent Communication (NVC) worldwide, “a way of communicating that leads us to give from the heart”, “a language of life”, “a language of compassion”.
Which are the benefits of using NVC?
It helps people to (re)create better quality relationships in families, at work, in affairs, in education, in communities and in any conflicts, from our daily life to the political issues.
“Better quality relationships” means relationships built on authenticity and self-expression, mutual respect, trust, cooperation, contribution, freedom, responsibility.
4 main steps
There are 4 main steps based on observations, feelings, needs, request.
Observation
Take a mental step back and just watch what’s happening in the current situation. What are you hearing others say? What do they physically do? Record these observations in your mind without assigning value to them or a judgment or an evaluation. Say what you see, but not what you think of it.
Examples: “What I’m hearing you ask me is…”or “I see that you want this…”
Feelings
Check in with your body and identify adjectives that describe the sensations you’re feeling. Are you Upset? Worries? Happy? Irritated? Choose words that are specific to your experience — not words that insinuate what another is doing.
Examples:“I am feeling tired because…” “When this happens, it makes me feel like…”
Needs
List the needs that are connected to the feelings you’ve identified. What is lacking that would make you feel better? Is it Appreciation? Balance? Support? Recognition? Security? Belonging?
Example:“Because I value my happiness, I need…”
Requests
Needs and requests are actually different. Needs are the missing pieces. Requests are what you use to get them. The best way to do this is to build flexibility and freedom into your ask.
Examples: “I am wondering if…” “Would you be willing to?”
In other words, when we look inside us and when we talk with ourselves or with others, it is more probable to have a good and life-enriching communication if we concentrate on what are the observed facts and the triggers, the feelings, the important values and what concrete actions and strategies we can ask in order to meet the needs. In conclusion, this language of feelings and needs and this care for taking the own responsibility and for requesting, create more possibilities for understanding and finding solutions to conflicts. Instead of using the habitual way of blaming and judging, labelling and separating people in good/bad, manipulating and threatening, NVC proposes mediating and searching for the common base.
The objective of nonviolent communication — sometimes called compassionate communication — is to empower functional giving and receiving and to manage conflict strategically.
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